You know, being on a journey is an interesting thing.
There are ups and downs, steps forward and steps backward.
But in the end, it becomes clearer why each step is important. They test you, show you where your weaknesses are, and make you stronger. I appreciate these steps much more at the end looking back, of course, but I truly realize that each one is an important piece to the puzzle.
It was October 2012 when I made the decision to give control over to God to help me be less critical about my body.
For a year I tried so hard to stop thinking about myself and instead focus on what was important in life: my kids, my husband, my relationship with Him. And things started coming around for me. I wasn’t nearly as critical as I was before, but I still wasn’t confident in my body.
And in the summer of 2013, it became crystal clear that even though I wasn’t beating myself up like I used to, I still had issues. Continue reading
As comfortable and happy as I thought I was in my little suburbian bubble, there was always something stopping me from being as happy as I knew I could be…self-criticism.
You know that little voice that tells you you’re not good enough – a good enough mother, a good enough wife, a good enough cook, a good enough (fill in the blank)? Yeah, it was always louder than the other voices in my head that said I was strong, confident, and that I was really making a difference in this world.
For me, the voice in my head was always super-critical about my body.
Walking by the mirror I would hear, “Ugh. Why are you letting yourself have this huge gut?” meanwhile sticking it out as far as it could go. And then I’d walk away feeling crappy only to catch myself taking a peek the next time I walked by my full length mirror. My eyes would scan down my body and think, “Eww, just look at that cellulite on your thighs. That’s so disgusting.” Why didn’t I just move that darn thing?
I knew I wanted to change, but I honestly didn’t think it was possible, and I certainly didn’t know how I would change my body since I already went to the gym 3 hours a week, and I also loved to run, bike and participate in races. I was no slacker, ladies and gentlemen. Continue reading